Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Letting Go

I apologize in advanced for the string of depressing blog posts. Last post was certainly one of the more down posts I've ever done and this one is likely not to be super uplifting either, however I felt as if it needed to be addressed.

Breakups. My most favorite subject at the moment.

Yes I realize my post a couple of weeks ago is sort of ironic at the moment but I don't want to take it down. I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Maybe eventually I will, but not right now.

Either way, breakups are probably the hardest thing we will go through in our young lives. There is nothing that feels quite like having the person who you were in love with tell you that they don't want to be with you anymore. If you have never felt this pain, I envy you, because it is probably one of the worst pains you can ever go through. It's not like a paper cut that will sting for a while but eventually the pain will dull down. This is a constant ache in your heart that no matter how much you want to just reach inside and rip your heart out for relief, you can't. It's not something that by eating a pint of ben and jerry's ice cream with your girlfriends while watching a sappy chick flick will help either. Only time can heal a broken heart.

I'm not saying I'm an expert by any means, I'm fortunate enough for this to be my first and only heart break of my life. But I do think I am handling it the best that I can and maybe by writing this I can help at least one person out there that my be thinking their life is ending because this person doesn't want to be with them. So here goes - my list of ways to 'get over' a break up.

1) Cry. Go ahead and do it. Because it hurts. It hurts like a bitch (excuse my french). Now this really doesn't do anything else except let you get your emotions out but I think it's an important first step. To be in touch with your emotions is important and the fact that you feel this way clearly means you felt very strongly for that person, so it's okay to cry. Just make sure you are not sulking in your room for days at a time but a good long cry here and there will suffice.

2) Get off social media. This is important especially if your relationship was public on Facebook and suddenly you were victim of the dreaded 'in a relationship' to 'single'. Your true friends will see it and call or text you to see if you are alright, you do not need to deal with everyone and their brother commenting or liking your change in relationship status. This will only make you feel worse and cause you dwell on the break up for longer. It is also very important because we are all guilty of the post-breakup stalk. Yes, I know you have, don't deny it. It may not even be the persons page it could just be a picture you two were tagged in together. This will bring up old emotions and make you feel worse, just get rid of it. I can't tell you how much easier my breakup would have been if I had taken this advice. Note: This also goes for Instagram and Twitter. Twitter especially! Because we all at some point have posted this semi-depressing tweet with lyrics to a song you don't really know that well, but felt related perfectly to the situation you are going through. I'm telling you right now, no one wants to see that. So spare yourself and others from that popping up on their feeds.

3) Get out of your house. I don't care if it is taking a drive to the grocery store with your mom, get out. This was crucial for me. I didn't have to work for a full week after my break up. I didn't plan it that way, it seriously just worked out like that. You are prone to sulk in your bed after a situation like that happening but if you force yourself to get out of your house then you do not have the option anymore to go lurk back into bed for the rest of the day. This also helps to get your mind off of the person. I started my internship that Friday after it happened and I honestly can say I don't think I thought of him once in that whole time I was working. Granted it was only two hours and once I got out of there he once again consumed my mind, but it was a step!

4) Talk to someone. While I know not everyone feels comfortable talking about this kind of thing to others, I promise you it will do a world of wonders. As a general rule, you should have that one person you can go to with anything. For me it is my best friend. I know I can tell her anything and she will not judge me for it. Now this can be just about anyone - a friend, a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a therapist, even a pet! (Although I would recommend getting someone who can actually speak back to you, but a pet works for the time being). You need to be able to confide in someone and explain to them why you are hurting. Hopefully that person knows you well enough to give you advice to how to handle the situation and how to move on from it. Talking it out can also release a lot of the emotions that you may have been bottling inside. You could even tell that person everything you wanted to tell your Ex if you think that will help. Just talk and keep talking. You won't even realize how much of a world of a difference it will make.

5) Pamper yourself. Whether it is a massage, mani/pedis, or even a hair cut. Do something that will make you feel beautiful. With all the negativity going around, having a positive change in your life will really make you feel so much better. Because after a break up, at least for girls, we always feel ugly and unwanted. Doing something that makes you feel beautiful even if it is only for a minute will brighten your day and hopefully help you realize, you are just as beautiful as you were pre-break up. For me this was a big help. It probably doesn't help that I have a shopping problem, but when I got my paycheck last Friday I went crazy. I probably spend over $250 on new clothing. Ridiculous? Maybe. Did it make me feel better? Hell yeah! Now it is not the most healthy way to deal with things because it ultimately makes you pretty broke, but the way I think about it is if you buy something that is pretty, it makes you feel pretty. And this is exactly the point I was making! I bought this one dress and I wore it the other day and someone told me I looked "Hot". Did that help my self-confidence? Hell yeah! That's all it takes is a little pick-me-up. If shopping helps, like me, then go ahead and do it. I wouldn't recommend spending $250+, but just a nail polish color or new bright lipstick can do wonders! Trust me.

6) Lastly, Pray. I realize not everyone is religious, so for this maybe there is some substitution out there? If not and prayer isn't your style, just ignore this, but this really helped me. Prayer has always been a weird thing for me. I cry every single time I do it, I'm not kidding. Even if it is happy things! I still cry, not entirely sure why but I do. Maybe that's why I don't do it as much as I should. Either way when I was feeling at my lowest throughout this whole process I prayed. I asked God to heal my broken heart. I prayed for my husband. And I prayed for my Ex. It was amazing how much better I felt after that, even if I was crying the whole way through it. I'm not saying this is for everyone, because I know it's not. I'm just letting you know that if you are Christian and don't have the best relationship with God, try this. It sounds crazy but it seriously helps. Now I didn't get automatic answers but after I was done I felt a wave of relief come over me. Take this as you wish and handle it in your own way, but I think it's worth a shot.

So there you go, the 6 ways to get over a break up. I'm not saying that if you follow these 6 steps then you will be over that person, but it is a good starting point. I am not over him yet, in fact I will probably never be fully over him. If they really meant that much to you then they will always carry a piece of your heart. You will just need to learn how too forgive them and accept the fact that they were in your life for a reason. It may have been a lesson. If that is the case you need to learn from that and move on because people are constantly coming in and out of our lives. It is our job to figure out what their purpose was, to learn from it, and to apply that to our future endeavors.

Because at the end of the day...

Until next time,

Casey Rose