Tuesday, April 22, 2014

It Takes Two

Over Easter this past weekend I was home for a couple of days enjoying the break with my family. My Grandpa, who lives 3 hours away, had recently been released from the hospital after having a stroke. No worries, he's doing just fine, but with this hospital visit also came concerned family wanting to see their recovering family member.

Since most of my family lives up north it's quite a trek for them to make it down to North Carolina just to see someone for a day or two, so most of my family makes a trip out of it. With my immediate family living the closest out of all my relatives to my grandparents we often get to see the rest of the family when they are in town visiting them.

This past weekend my Uncle came down to visit along with his new fiancee. They visited my Grandpa for a day and then spent the night at our house and celebrated Easter with us in the morning. This was the first time I had ever met his fiancee and it felt a little weird at first. Don't get me wrong, she was a very nice lady (and she could keep up with our jokes, which is always a huge plus), but there was something about her that just didn't sit right with me.

I tend to think of myself as a very naive and optimistic person. I like to see the good in others and often am disappointed or shocked when they prove me otherwise; I guess I just want to believe, deep down, that people are innately good. This also affects my views on marriage. With the divorce rate now being over 50% in this country, the realist would just assume that marriage is doomed to fail. Well, Casey being the optimist, is shocked whenever I hear that a marriage is failing. I could write and entire post about how I reacted when I heard my ex-boyfriend's parents were splitting up, but that is a story for another day.

My whole life growing up I always referred to my Aunt's and Uncle's together. This was also a memory tactic since my mom and dad were both 1 of 7 children. We had Aunt Peggy and Uncle Sean, Uncle Paul and Aunt Rhonda, and Uncle Matt and Aunt Faith. Now, Matt being the uncle who stayed with us this past weekend, I had always associated him with Aunt Faith. It was my memory tactic and also probably my way of validating their relationship. But what happens when that couple gets divorced? Then what?

I am so fortunate to have two loving parents who have now been married for 27 years. They have shown me in so many ways how to make a marriage work and what it truly means to love another person. I think that is why my idea if marriage is so skewed. I thought process is, 'If my parents can do it, why can't everyone else?'. But I guess life doesn't work that way. Not all couples are meant to be like my parents are.

And I think that relates directly back to my earlier post about soul mates. I like to assume, again being naive, that you only marry a person you are meant to be with. But I think that's why most marriages fail. They don't marry the person they are 'meant' to be with. They settle for something that feels good in the moment, but don't think about the future. They go for a feeling, not an instinct. When did people stop using their heads and only follow their hearts? 

To make things work in this world there needs to be an even mix of both. You obviously have to love one another to start, but it takes more than that. You both have to be completely sure this is the person you want to clean up after when one of you can't hold your bladder any longer. You may laugh, but does this really cross your mind when you say "I do"?

I obviously have no experience on the matter, but my theory has always been this: You can marry just about anyone, as long as you are determined to make it work. And I mean, really determined. You obviously have to love the person, but when the times get tough those are the times you must stick by your spouse. They don't just pull 'for better or for worse' out of their asses, they mean it.

So sorry new lady for initially not liking you. I just have a hard time accepting that people actually get divorced. I also have a hard time coming to accept that this time will be different. Because if it were really 'different' this time, why couldn't you have made it work the first time?

Alright, I'm off my soap box. This was a darker post that really ended up going right into the deep end and practically drowned in it. Ha, sorry for the depressing post. I'm just a little jaded right now. No worries though, happy posts with be sure to come in the future!

Until next time,

Casey Rose